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Bad Actor

by Jen Starsinic

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1.
Picture in a frame, picture that you posed for Electromagnetic smile on your face Visible wavelengths from back when we were fun Printed out on paper to have you when you’re gone This love was so hard hearted Love’s not what you wanted You call me when you’re drunk and you sound so easy Sayin, ‘Baby I hope that you’ve been doin alright.’ But it’s stupid to expect the war to be fair It was silly to expect that you would still be here This love was so hard hearted Love’s not what you wanted This love was so hard hearted Love’s not what you wanted This love was so hard hearted Love’s not what you wanted Picture in a frame, picture that you posed for Electromagnetic
2.
Cold 04:50
Trapped in my house Watching the snow fall With a view of the freeway And the cars as they pile up There’s gotta be twenty dead So far in the storm of the century If this was another year ago You’d be here making love to me This shit used to turn out alright I’ve never even worried about the ice It’s a whole new feeling, the feeling of falling Of slipping over the edge Are you braving the storm? Are you out in the blizzard? Are you perfectly warm In your snow boots and your mittens? There’s a part of me hopes you’re the same As you were in summer Did the storm make you lonesome Or are you stronger? This shit used to turn out alright I’ve never even worried about the ice It’s a whole new feeling, the feeling of falling Of slipping over the edge I’ve never even seen this much snow I never used to worry about getting old But I won’t last long if it stays this cold This shit used to turn out alright I’ve never even worried about the ice It’s a whole new feeling, the feeling of falling Of slipping over the edge I’ve never even seen this much snow I never used to worry about getting old But I won’t last long if it stays this cold
3.
Bad Actor 04:26
All the tourists are back home looking at pictures they took All the neighborhood teenagers are getting drunk in the woods And there’s a place I could go where I would feel alright But I just sit at home, I don’t even really know why But I’m beginning to think that something might be wrong I’ve been falling asleep with the TV on My mind is spinning on the things the characters said I wish I could forget about them or forget it all instead You’re holding back, but you don’t let it show You talk to your friends, but they just don’t know Call them up, tell them not to come over tonight Everything might not be alright And I kinda wanna get mixed up in the colors and the lights And just become a bad actor in some other person’s life Everything I know would be just a dream I had ‘Cause I can’t quite think straight, and I’m sick and tired of saying it’s not so bad You’re holding back, but you don’t let it show You talk to your friends, but they just don’t know Call them up, tell them not to come over tonight Everything might not be alright So yeah I’ve been kicked back just watching the show Don’t they all look tired, don’t they all look like somebody you know Is it the mother, is it the long lost best friend? Could it be what I left behind, could it be what’s coming next?
4.
The sun’s coming up, it’s a good day I guess But I've learned not to trust everything in my head But the sun’s definitely coming up, it’ll surely get warm And it’ll stay that way ‘til winter comes When I’m alone, I feel fucking lonely When I get tired, i feel fucking dead When I wanna run, I wanna go far away Drive to the ocean Lay on the sand It’s tough how some things that you learn when you’re young Turn out not to work so well in the long run Some people can make promises that they keep ‘til they’re old Love’s a pretty good thing or so I’m told But it feels like forever since I’ve seen it for real Maybe someday I'll know how it feels But it’s a more common thing to sit on your own Singing about nothing and feeling low When I’m alone, I feel fucking lonely When I get tired, i feel fucking dead When I wanna run, I wanna go far away Drive to the ocean Lay on the sand I’m sick of pretending that I’m doing fine The sea is so violent and peaceful at the same time And it is confusing, I don’t know what to do But I’m beginning to notice that neither do you When I’m alone, I feel fucking lonely When I get tired, i feel fucking dead When I wanna run, I wanna go far away Drive to the ocean Lay on the sand
5.
Get up and go Put on your shoes Find your keys in the bottom of your bag It’s time to go And quit humming sad songs Turn your radio up Cruise downtown with your friends and for once in your life Have a little faith ‘Cause there’s nothing quite like Seeing your friends after a long time They’re gonna save you, they’re gonna make you Party til dawn Now that your baby’s gone, your baby’s gone Look who’s laughing now You with your whiskey instead of wine You start to sway, you start to feel something again And you don’t care if you look good doing it ‘Cause there’s nothing quite like Seeing your friends after a long time They’re gonna save you, they’re gonna make you Party til dawn Now that your baby’s gone, your baby’s gone ‘Cause there’s nothing quite like Seeing your friends after a long time They’re gonna save you, they’re gonna make you Party til dawn Now that your baby’s gone, your baby’s gone
6.
Some people are made for leaving, I learned from an early time Some bonds are born of silver and some are sewn of twine It’s a foreign thing, it’s a foreign thing a love to keep me near They come to stay, then leave and fade to some forgotten year And I dreamed of Annie Oakley and the holster on her hip Who can bear to gather dust while dirt and trouble live It’s a foreign thing, it’s a foreign thing to learn to behave And I swear I heard the wind whispering my name I learned the hand that feeds you keeps you quiet, keeps you dull Hunger, not blood or trust, is how the west was won And it’s a foreign thing, it’s a foreign thing, the cowboys on TV Either good or evil, always untamed and free Some people walk a crooked line, I learned from an early age I was made for the red sunrise of the wild western plains And it’s a foreign thing, it’s a foreign thing but i know the road is right When that cunning glow comes creeping through the long lonesome night

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released February 7, 2020

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Jen Starsinic Nashville, Tennessee

Jen Starsinic is a music artist, multi-instrumentalist, and community organizer. Her most recent release, 2020’s dreamy, confessional indie rock EP Bad Actor, has been described by PopMatters, American Songwriter, and other outlets as “poignant, intimate, and stunning,” “a modern gem,” and “a vivacious composition that recalls the wistful songwriting gold of Regina Spektor and Cat Power.”
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